Psalm 3
" O Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, God will not deliver him.

But you are a shield around me, O Lord. my Glorious One, who lifts up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud and he answers me from his holy hill.

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up agains me on every side.

Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God! For you have struck all my enemies on the jaw; you have broken the teeth of the wicked.

From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people."

This is another song that I have sung for years - and these words mean so much to me.

I'm sure that we all feel quite vulnerable a lot of the time. I know that I do. There have been times that I have felt like there is absolutely no one but myself that will stop the arrows being hurled at me. And that's a lonely feeling.

You know...I do understand that in this world it is 'every man for himself'. And I accept that for the most part. No matter what, each person takes care of themselves first and watches out for others if there is time and resources. We like to believe that we are completely supportive of our friends and loved ones, but family pressures, business stresses, and multitudes of worldly things hit from all sides. Soon it winds down to the fact that no one can take care of things for us and we handle them by ourselves.

That may sound a little cynical and a bit pessimistic, and I suppose that it is. I am so grateful that there is one person I can turn to, when everything else is against me. I'd like to say it's my best friend, I'd like to say it's my husband or my sister. And while each of these are important and have taken care of me to the very best of their ability, many nights I was still left alone to cry by myself and struggle through the pain alone.

Honestly, when life was at it's very worst and I was being attacked by so many people, I even had a hard time accepting that Jesus was with me. I had never felt so alone. I began to question whether or not God truly existed. I think I was fearful that my loneliness was brought on by myself and God wouldn't be able to get past my terrible attitudes (which by that point were out of control). I had trouble approaching Him with all of my fears and concerns. I was simply frightened that if He didn't exist, my lifetime of trust would be shattered.

I had NEVER been through anything quite as draining as that series of events that led me away from my church. I had been through the death of my mother and it hadn't drained me as spiritually as this did. I had changed churches many times, been through leadership stresses, business ups and downs and other burn-out causes, but never in 40 years had I fallen apart so completely.

That happened several years ago now and looking back, I am able to see the shield that He placed around me. I wasn't seeing much of that protection while I was in the middle of the pain, but I am beginning to recognize it now. God gave me the door to walk out, in fact, He practically threw me out of the situation I was in. And He gave me a cushion of time to bring my heart back in to accordance with His love.

God has lifted my head out of the mire, my heart out of the blackness and pain, and my soul out of darkness. His shield was all about me protecting me until He could bring me into a place where I could fully open myself to Him again.